I am so glad to say I finally have a Disney princess.
I don’t think it’s possible for many of you to understand that I didn’t have my pick of lovely ladies who sing from their cottage windows to emulate my baby life too.
I so wanted that, but I didn’t have it.
I acted like it didn’t bother me. I cited disney movies without a lady as my favorite to supplement the saddness.
"Who me? Oh, I loved Lion King!" - 8 year old me.
**enter me wondering, if they think I liked the Lion King so much because it was set in Africa* ANSWER - No. That ish was poignant and sad and I was a weird kid, so poignant and sad was all up my speed.
I loved all the other princesses. Don’t get me wrong, but when all my friends saying “Ooo I have black hair so I’m Snow White” or “I have long brown hair just like Belle” it cuts deep.
Basically, I just had to accept that I would never have my own special princess who I looked like.
Disney went to the far east and back before they came around to Tiana in The Princess and The Frog”. I had to wait 20 long years to get my own special lady.
And then they even made her in my exact reflection!
Obviously black AND from New Orleans and… well that’s it but way better than most people. No one can say they lived in the sea like Ariel. Let’s just say it was a huge deal. I stifled my joy on the inside. I quietly watched and wished I could’ve had this in my childhood but I was happy to know a lot of little girls out there would now have something.
They could get full Tiana/Frog acoutrament for their bedrooms. I imagined if I was a little girl, I would get the lamps, nightgowns, pillow cases and froggie floaties to boast just how much I love Tiana.
Frankly, it doesn’t even matter if I liked the movie or the songs or the fact that her name was so ethnically chosen. It was just nice to finally get a little recognition as a part of the Disney world and culture.
Let’s be honest. This got way more real than you thought it’d be right… for me too. I just decided to be deceptively sweet for once and show the lighter side of myself.
I was just thinking of one of the worst things that could happen to me.
But first you need to know about the show FANatic.
As Wikipedia puts it, it is a show where people are tricked into situations where they meet their idol - typically famous idols, not the “American” kind.
So in light of the Kim Kardashian’s wedding, I have been making all these jokes to everyone about how I wish I was there (I do!), and talking about them non-stop (FACT). Even my dad who has no care about the Kardashians in the slightest knows my affection for them. He calls Lamar Mr. Kardashian when we watch the Lakers play and even suggested Kim’s wedding should have been offered on Pay-Per-View, which led me to adamantly agree.
Well, later on I was thinking “OMG, What if my family did some horrible thing and arranged for me to meet the Kardashians?!”
I was immediately horrified and panicked at just the mere thought of this.
Just imagine me walking into pick-up take out (because that is all I do these days) and see them and a camera crew waiting for me.
1. I have sworn to myself to NEVER meet anyone that is famous.
- Especially those I have an affection for. That goes for musicians, celebrities, actors, any-fucking-body.
I am so serious about this.
I could NOT deal with the reality and disappointment of meeting someone of that nature in person. I am practically a shut-in, so in reality meeting new people is… dreadful. I love people, but only people I know I will like or that have been approved by people I already like.
In addition, I just do not like being disappointed. If my mom says we are going to Target on Sunday and don’t, I get sad - Deeply disappointed - I take it all way to seriously. I am to aware of myself as a person to ever be put in a position like this and take it in stride. If my image of someone I “idolize” is marred in any way, it could be potentially devastating.
2. What would I be wearing?
In any situation, I have to be prepared beforehand. I am not spontaneous at all. I may bring up doing something that seems out of the blue, but I probably have prepping the idea in my head for hours if not days. I like to run potential downhill scenarios, proos and cons…all that jazz.
That being said, if I met the Kardashians and was not wearing exactly what I wanted, I would be livid. I would want to buy something spectacular, get my smokey eye game on point and be mentally prepared.
I am actually laughing at the potential hateful things that would come forth from my mouth. I would probably kill someone if was meeting them in cut-offs and a white tee. Unless, that was the day I turned into Kate Hudson and made it look runway ready…
3. I am paranoid as fuck so I would totally ruin the entire thing.
I know the only peron who would actually organize this, and that would be my sister.
I know she loves me and knows me well. She wouldn’t let me look like a complete asshole. So, she would probably insinuate I should get dressed. Maybe make up some scenario that we should get dressed up for dinner, and I would ask why because it’s a Tuesday. Or she would mention, that I haven’t curled my hair in a while so maybe I should do it. Then I would sass back and say something snarky about how she thinks I’m ugly with my hair the way it is. There are so many situations where we would end up arguing and then she would get so pissed that she would let me go in a bun and my dirty jeans.
Then we wouldn’t speak for months and I could never trust her again.
Who would want something that was suposed to be nice, to be ruined by their sour attitude? No one, but you know what, I would do it. Because I am paranoid and a sass.
In the end ALL you need to take from this, is don’t surprise me with some shit like this. A check for $20,00 - Nice Surprise. A new car - Nice Surprise. A trip to Bora Bora - Perfect Surprise…. No Celebs.
“(Trigger warning: rape, racism) Rape is bad. No one’s denying that, but that doesn’t mean you should be allowed to punish a child by aborting it. When it comes to having your body used against your will, wouldn’t you rather it be a baby than some brown person in a ski mask?”—
Michele Bachmann speech at a battered women’s shelter in Winterport, ME (2009)
She said that at a battered women’s shelter.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN’S BRAIN?
I was just thinking about how wierd I am in addition how boy crazy I am.
I am super crazy and have all these crazy lists because I forgot 73% of what I think.
I am looking at this particular list I have on my dashboard.
It is a list of my favorite hot celebrities. As if, in any universe, a list like that would serve me any purpose but I have it. Just in case someone asks me, “who do you think is hot?” I can consult my list.
It is so strange. What is even more strange is how I just add people to the list as if it’s normal.
I’m not quite ready to divulge my list. Primarily because that leads to another weird habit of mine — my inability to share things that I like, for fear of someone stealing it and taking it away from me.
(Don’t worry. I am completely aware of how extremely strange that sounds, but you must understand how real the fear is).