women. i have spent most of my life observing people. noticing their habits and they types of people they are. but there is nothing that i see in people that scares me more than a girl who is straight twisted by a guy.
it is an epidemic and dammit someone needs to do something about it. i am on some carrie bradshaw-sex and the city inspiration right now.
for the sake of clarity let me backtrack so you can see where i am coming from. today i was watching real world vegas. if you havent been watching here is what you need to know.
we have nany, our perfect example. she is infatuated with adam. adam is a socipath (i am not exaggerating). while he is some of the best casting done by mtv in terms of mental disaster, this is the man nany decides to align herself with.
* i tried to get you a video example but copyright laws are prohibiting it, so you are going to have to take my word for it, or watch the show- its actually good *
so here are a few details… nany had a bf of 6yrs as she came on the show. adam has a girlfriend back home and is a self-confessed cheater - in fact he says all men are cheaters and those who don’t are in the minority - no, no you are in fact wrong, sir. next, nany breaks up with her bf for…you guessed it, adam, the cheater. he has a girlfriend back home who is a child and he speaks to her like he owns her (she is another sad breed that i am NOT ready to go into).
but i digress.
so not only is he a cheater, he elicits joy within himself by getting ob.lit.erated and trashing the beautful hard rock penthouse that mtv pays his ass to live in. he spits on shit, punches shit, and vomits everywhere — not cute, your ass is too grown to do that nonsensical shit— but oh, nany, she thinks he can change because she knows him better than eveyone else. he is a good guy. guess what, nany’s ass is back at home punching herself in the face repeatedly with a boot because i KNOW that seeing that shit on tv is revelatory. its embarassing and so hard to watch, but i dont feel bad for her because she cried when he got sent home for being an asshole and not following directions. i JUDGE her for even allowing herself to like a guy who cannot follow simple instruction. that is something you learn at the age of 6. if at 23 it still isnt clicking…something ain’t right.
as said best by dustin, “what a dumb ho.”
now after that long-winded backstory, i must say DADDY ISSUES ARE REAL.
i feel for these girls. it is HARD to see when you are so fucked up. that i why i fear for the world we live in. it does not have to be like that. if only they can ask themselves a few questions…
- why do i like a guy who is nasty? - why do i like a guy who has 3 other girlfriends? - why do i like a guy who everyone i know looks at like the devil? - why do i like a guy who talks to me like shit? - why do i like a guy who pervebially slaps me in the face everytime i speak? - why are you crying in a club? -why are you with a guy who told you he is scum*?
*this typically occurs in sitatuions with girls like this who get involved with guys who said ” i am not boyfriend material” or ”i am not ready” or “i’ve had multiple girlfriends before” because they think it is a come on. its NOT. WALK-the hell-AWAY. he doesn’t want to be with you like that. DAMN….*
but seriously. why are things like this still happening? have we not learned from the suffragettes, the blue-stockings, those women fought HARD so stupid bitches didn’t get caught in these nasty messes. it is ridiculous. it is pathetic. i know it seems harsh but a verbal slap in the face and real-life side eye is necessary.
i know you have friends like this. whose world crumbles when they meet a guy. i am ALL for the honeymoon stage and getting to know each other and blahblahblah. BUT these girls who expect their friends to only be integrated into the part of their life that they approve of, aka….
the 3 hour conversations we have about YOUR relationship or the pity outtings are not going to work. because MY ass hung out with YOUR ass when you didnt have anybody. i talked to you. i was your buddy now shits changing and you are a “we” now. thats fine but just bear in mind that i dont have to like it or want to be around you ever again.
just know that when all that realization falls on you and you need a shoulder to cry on….
who am i kidding?
ill be there. but with a HEFTY ifuckingtoldyouso. and also with the complete realization that this is going to be happening for the rest of my life… just know that you have been warned. its a problem sweeping the nation.
so. i sit here mourning the loss of a blog and listening to britney spears, aka america’s princess.
i think i know why this happened and the answer is because i am an asshole.
this seems harsh but i am going to explain.
the blog i wrote was rude and downright insensitive and whoever is out there controlling these things— fate, God, Zeus, whatthefuckever….thinks the world was not ready for that kind of exposure of the depths of my soul.
i understand. i sat down and wrote about how i judge people. clearly that is not normal. and i should take this opportunity as a chance to take back the things i said and act as if i dont judge passerbys. but i do and so does everyone. i am just more outward with my judgements.
wouldn’t you judge the asshole who takes turns to wide on your block leaving you 3 feet of space for 4,000 pound piece of metal? that angers me and that makes me look at you with a devilish stare because that is NOT right.
how can i not be baffled by the dick who passes in front of a lady in the chocolate bar isle and doesn’t say ” texcuse me.” are you not seeing that she is having a moment choosing between the m&ms and the ferrero rocher? i am not okay with that.
or the person who doesn’t throw a hand up in thanks when you let them in on a really busy street. i am on some good samaritan shit, potentially letting myself miss the light and you can’t say thank you? oh hell no. you get side-eye. actually you prob get way more than side-eye but ill keep that to those who ride in my passenger seat.
i cannot act like i do not look at people like this and not wonder what kennel bread them. people should not act this way and the looks i give are just my way to letting them know, they ain’t right.
one of the most serious offenders are the people who tell me they don’t watch tv. not only can i not trust you, but now i fear you. so when you flip on the tube and see a little full house, a law & order - or any of the real housewives franchises you don’t get interested?
sigh. no reality tv.soaps.dramas.comedy.news.sports.nature.game shows.documentaries.cop shows.music videos.late night.telemundo.food network.religion.family shows.cartoons.infomercials. none. uh uh. not normal.
for real. if none of this tickles your fancy in the slightest, i cannot be asked to look at you as anything but satan’s assistant.
and none of this is me saying you are shit, you just may be a person with no manners — someone who talks in baby voice too much — a repeat offender of my no country music rule but that does not make me like you any less. if i am stils choosing to be around you that mean something is outweighing these negatives.
i recognize my own faults as well. i am not a great speller. i refuse to go to wal-mart. i curse too much. but that is me. and i am okay with that. i still have friends and i am sure the dick in an art gallery who just mentioned Magrtitte isn’t a pretentious snob. but i will judge them as so.
I know what you are thinking. Kristina has lost it. She has turned to drugs and we need to call someone for her. You don’t.
I did not take NZT but Ritalin. I didn’t go score it on some corner in a sketchy neighborhood, but rather in my own home. Who knew that source of my sanity of mind would come from my own house…and my own mother.
My mom has a serious case of ADHD and yesterday when I had a serious French assignment I asked her if I could take one.
I’m going to pause for a minute because I know this sounds crazy. But if you know me well, you should know that I am a woman with an insane brain and actually do have ADHD as well. For those of you who didn’t know me so well, welcome to the crazy train.
I had a French assignment to watch a film and write an essay. A feat that seems simple to most, but to me almost impossible to complete. 34 minutes in, I was a goner. I couldn’t do it; I was done, bored, tired, and ready to do anything else other than that. So I went to my mom’s room and decided we need to try this out. She saw how earnest I was in asking her and she said okay. She only gave me half and completed a full course of “mom knows best” before she handed me the pill.
I took it and continued the movie. About an hour later she comes in and asks me if I noticed a difference. Honestly, I hadn’t but then I thought well I have been grasping more detail and my god I have not checked my twitter, facebook, tumblr, yahoo or just jared in the last hour. (yes i a actually do these things in the minute it takes for a web page to load — sick, right?). BUT, I did notice a difference and it was spectacular. She was right, It was not like i went on a coke spree of cleaning and writing a trilogy of novels about astrophysics, but I was calm and focused.
I use to chalk up my lack of focus to my ability to multitask. Bullshit! My ass needed the Rit since I was kid and at 22, I got it!
And it got better. I wrote my essay in an hour, no music, no tv, no moments of pure dread. I just wrote it and I’m done. Now I am writing this and I have not even stopped yet.
So by next week, lets hope I have a prescription in hand and new bottle of calm to work out the kinks. I am already sad at the prospect of my chill wearing off but not in a fiending kind of way but because it is nice to feel normal.
That’s all folks. I hope you guys learned a little more about me and are enlightened by this news and are as happy for me as I am for me.
there are certain criteria that i keep in the back of my mind on how i chose friends…
among the many things right after tv, music is the most paramount.
but i am an easy person to please because i like a lot of different types of music. really i do… i dont fucks with country but who can blame me?
i can hang with indie hipsters, pop queens, jazz aficionados, hip-hop lovers all those people and i can jam for a while. but there is a special place in my heart that i am holding sacred for that person who i meet who can appreciate some r&b.
it is not easy to find someone who can admit to enjoying an evening of toni braxton, tevin campbell and jodeci. it is especially hard for people of my age. not to toot my own horn but *toot*. i come from a specific breed. i was a six year old who hung out with her 14 year old sister and sang monica jams like i was crushing hard on tommy down the block. i was six for god’s sake and i still remember these lyrics.
i tried to fight it for years. i acted like i was to good for that nonsense. i got into incubus and linkin park (and while i am still huge fans, i parted with the roots of my love of music for a while).
these days, i won’t change the station for anyone if they grace me with a little SWV on a sunny day. you cant pass shit like that up. that is a kiss from the angels. one must appreciate.
so here i am waiting for my musical soulmate… one of these days i know i will fall upon someone on the subway jamming to the hits of the early 90s, and we will lock eyes and know that we just someone to “just kick it” with.
i am really trying to not be a “list” blogger but i do have a fixation for things that occur in frequency. Now that 2010 is coming to a close i wanted to do my own version of 2010’s most fascinating people. yea, yea… babs has all that street cred which allows her to pick an aimless group of people who she was fascinated by so i want my own… hence this post of MY MOST FASCINATING SPECTACLES OF 2010. why not people you ask? well it was a big year and because i am a non-judger of all things fascinating i think spectacles is a better adjective for this list.
8. Andy Cohen
you dont know andy cohen? you should… he is the best thing that has happened to bravo. wiki him he has got some resume and he is hilar. only on watch what happenes live can you see anderson cooper sitting next to nene leakes have drinks and talking reality tv. its basically my heaven. thanks @bravoandy for changing the way we see rich people.
7. Katy Perry
i love her. on a real girl crush level. i loooove katy perry. she is so hot and bubbly and great and i like her. i like her music she looks fun and she married russel brand which gives her comedy cred and you should like her too!
and her boobs are beautiful creatures from another world. i would approve of a guy cheating on me with her because she’s awesome. and then i could say “my bf was hot enough to bone katy perry”….not many people can say that.
6. Brittany Murphy
first thing that popped into your head was clueless right…second, wasn’t she engaged to ashton kutcher for a while?… and third “omg, i forgot she died”. i know it happened right at the end of 2009 but hey, it counts. and that is exactly why she is on my list. bc I don’t think people acknowledged the shock of her death enough. i constantly forget and i think the creepy and suspicious circumstances that surrounded her death shrouded the saddness. RIP baby girl.
**angel shout outs to Alexander McQueen (designer extraordinare), Rue McClanahan (the first person to tech me what a slut is), & Rich Cronin (the guy who made me realize what immigrants my parents were bc i didnt wear abercrombie & fitch)**
there is no way that in the last year there has not been at least one Rihanna song that has infiltrated your mind. my current fav, “what’s my name?” drizzy and rih rih is just a recipe for clovliness (that is club- lovlivness).
all in all she’s doing good. she brushed off those bruises and definitely upgraded the company she keeps… there is no denying that is a move up. kudos.
4. Anderson Cooper
look at that face…and honestly he might love New Orleans and Haiti more than i do… that is simply enough for me.
3. Kanye West
first of all if you have heard even a snippet of “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” than you should be on board with me here. If not it should be because Kanye embarrassed the shit out of taylor swift and she took it like a punk. (once again another 2009 moment) BUT this was never actually addressed until 2010. and im team kanye on this. we have all been drunk and had an ” i fucked up moment”, regretfully kanes happened on national tv. yes kanye can be an ass and hella cocky but who’s tracks are you listening to on your way to the club. not taylors…. so go buy MBDTF and revel in the pleasantries that the cd has to offer because its ill.
2. The Saints
i would not be true new orleanian if i did not put my team on this list. i am going to assume that everyone saw the superbowl because it was the best moment on tv this year. it still brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. it may be the the city underwater …the drunkest city in the nation… the big easy…whatever you use to call us doesn’t matter. now we are the city who won the superbowl. if you can say that about your team congrats..if you can’t, that sucks…maybe you should become a saints fan. WHO DAT!
because she puts the shock in shock and awe. i have two peices of evidence that shows what a creature ciara really is. part of me feels liek if i do not make her number one. the aliens that created her will suck me out of bed and make me watch her videos on repeat until my brain implodes.
please do not take this as me hating on ciara. i think the things she does with her body are magical and i just dont want to be the only one experiencing this. shes a velociraptor but charming one. and for that she is numero uno…
Heidi & Spencer - because after this year we now have a tangible reason why we cant stand the shit out of you and its perched atop the b cups you once had.
B.O.B - cant stand him. this is completely biased and personal. i just do not like him. i judge the way he raps. i think he is a bitch and thats all.
*note to the few people who know me and are wondering how i made a list of 8. including my un-honorable mentions…it makes ten. i am sick.*
taken straight from wiki (aka to be taken lightly, with a grain of salt):
Jones had a 2½ year relationship with actor Tobey Maguire, ending in 2000. Jones became engaged to the Grammy Award-winning music producer Mark Ronson in February 2003. He proposed on her 27th birthday, using a custom-made crossword puzzle spelling out “Will you marry me?”. Their relationship ended approximately one year later. Jones then dated writer and performer Seth Meyers and actor John Krasinski, her co-star on The Office. Her character (Karen Fillipelli) dated his character (Jim Halpert) on the hit TV show. She dated Jon Favreau, the Director of Speechwriting for President Barack Obama. She is currently single.
not that i actually want to date most of these guys but just the sheer volume, fun quotient and variety are absolutly mind blowing.
& now with the potential garrett hedlund connection is a great piece to her ever growing collection of men.
for those of you out there looking for a great tv show to watch i can recommend a myrid of shows to fulfill your tv fantasies.
among those tv shoes i can recommend a few that you will love and break your heart….why? because they were prematurely ripped off the air leaving a tv shaped hole in my heart.
1. Life As We Know It (2004-2005)
- no not the cheesy rom-com with josh duhamel and katherine heigel but a great show about three guy friends and the perils of high school life. yes i know it soulds obscenely generic but it was filled with great adolescent insight and really hot guys playing kids way to young for their actual age and it was greeaaat!
we miss you LAWKI (what its referred to by the real fans of its) ….its a shame you can’t come back to us.
2. My So Called Life (1994-1995)
- this is real time good tv. beyond a shadow of doubt a cult classic and for those of you in my generation who have not fiendishly become addicted to this show…shame on you. it is the perfect blend of high school drama mixed with outcast troubles and of course JARED LETO (pre pink hair and band)
i mean look at all that angst! i will love you forever jordan catalano!!!!
*p.s i was six when this aired so don’t feel bad. i am a tv mutant.
3. Higher Ground (2000-2001)
- if anyone tells me they know this show, i will bow down to them as my equal bc that so rarely happens. this was an epic canadian show all about a group of kids who had who were sent away to “reform” school in the mountains some where to deal with their issues. but these were no kiddie issues. we are sex, drugs, prostitution, sexual abuse…the whole gambit and hello baby hayden christensen. just stupendous.
go find them. enjoy…be sad when they end. but be proud you are among the few who have seen and enjoyed these fine pieces of programming.