"im not in a point in my life where i can be taken seriously"
- max (happy endings)
this is the quote i would use to begin my hypothetical “this is my life” speech…assuming anyone would want to hear me speak aloud.
why you ask? because i am the midst of a lull.
and soft, pillowy lull that is my life.
i don’t work and i live at home. two things that women tell themselves to avoid at all costs when meeting a man. — that is me.
the real point is, why do i feel the need to address this? the issue is that while i am no longer a highly functioning student, balancing internships, drinking and writing papers. BUT i am the same person deep down inside.
that person is someone who is extremely opinionated and a complete know-it-all. i have decided to take these part of life and remove them from where they use be. which use to be in my “friend” arsenal. when i needed to, i would whip out my good sense for a friend in need and it was always good stuff.
there is no doubt that i give great advice and have impeccable instincts.
i must repeat: impeccable instincts.
i don’t think i have ever discussed this before but that is my sixth sense. i have the ability to walk into a room and understand everything about every person in the room.who doesn’t like who - who doesn’t want to be there - who has to pee - who is lonely - who loves who -
i don’t have much to toot my own horn for but in that, i am superb. you may not find it useful, and some days i can become debilitatingly uncomfortable at the drop of a hat. one quick view of a person in a crowd who is singing but doesn’t know the words… cringe. but i can also walk into a bar chat up an old man who hasn’t spoken to anyone in months, but my power is also so special, i can hit the dance floor like a “whoo” girl for my sad friend, who no one seems to realize has been crying all day or play beer pong and talk sports to my buddy who didn’t mumbled how he didn’t get that job. i see and hear everything — and that can be so satisfying.
you know what else is really satisfying? people listening to me!
sounds cocky, huh? it’s not. i have proof.
to my defense, i have had an extensive amount of experience. in the third grade my class decided we were going to make a little soap opera family, take a wild guess who i was….the psychologist. i don’t even think we could spell psychologist but my abilities were so innate, that since then everyone knew i was on some oracle shit.
in the years since, i have attracted the most narcissistic, self consumed and drama drenched friends one can ever have. shit that i can’t even type, i have had to consult on. and you know what i was right almost all of the time. spot on advice. do they always take my advice? no… does that make them stupid? absolutely… i won’t say i understand it when people constantly doing the same things over and over again but i keep eating indian even though i know how that ends. i just continue wasting hours of my life giving redundant advice on redundant situations.
but here is the thing, in the midst of my life lull, i am finished with that part of my life. i have no time to be wasting on tricks who don’t listen to me. i am grown and can’t deal with little girl drama.
i am on hiatus, unless i deem your situation neccessar ( a la charles barkley). i am going to lay that blame upon my life and decide i am no longer fit. that is not in the slightest bit true, but i don’t get paid for having bad friends. so im gonna get good ones and find a job!
so if you are one of my so-called friends and i no longer speak to you, it’s probably because you have abused the system and now i am done…
in the mean time, i will most likely watch more tv.
how do i trust something i don't understand?: part 1
while i love the internet and marvel in its glory daily. i am still completely scared of it.
i am developing some serious conspiricy theories regarding everything about it.
what is the internet doing to our world? a few days ago alex, brought up a serious point about whether the next generation of kids is being completely fucked up by the internet.
and we came up with an answer. we deciced sorta…probably.yea…definitely. they are fucked.
seriously, have you met a thirteen year old recently? they can’t speak. when spoken directly to, they cower and can’t make eye contact. it’s very disconcerting. they speak in a whisper and i think thats because their vocal cords have not had the chance to mature because they spend so much time on the internet, writing* versus speaking.
* when i say writing. i use the term loosely. i do not deem, writing sentences in 21st century hieroglyphics to be actual writing. it is lazy and scares me what memos might look like in 20 years.
and because of this i have to say there are certain things that happen to children, that are in direct correlation to how they were raised. some people have that whole, “i persevered past having shitty parents” but in general if you’re a douche i am going to assume you were raised like a heathan.
i am talking about kids who come home from soccer practice, drop their backpacks off, and proceed to sit in front of the family computer for 5 hours not speaking but talking to their shitty friends about nothing…
i did not grow up like this. i had parents who made it impossible to ever be an asshole in this way. if i was going to be an ass, i was going to speak intelligently. there was no excuse to sound like a moron ever. the word “whatever”, didn’t exist in my home. i was required to know what was going on in the world. (true story: i actually had news quizzes when my dad caught wind that i didn’t know a past president’s wife died)
i didn’t get a cell phone until i was 13. kids have phones at 8. someone tell me what an 8 year old needs a cell phone for… if they need to call their parents. go to the office, ask to use the phone, then ask to be picked up from school…i do not want my 7 year old texting me, asking me anything.
in addition to the failure of future generations, the internet has changed the way society exists.
there are certain things that i miss about the world, that just don’t exist anymore. for a while i loved the idea that i can know everything because of the little device in my pocket…my cellphone.
now, it is impossible to know anything and be proud of it. before, i could know something, carry around that nugget of information until it came into conversation.
friend #1 : hey. do you know how many kids angelina jolie has?
friend #2: no, but i know who would know. kristina…
friend #3: yea! let’s ask her.
me: oh, of course. she has 6 children. 3 adopted and 3 biological…
a conversation may have gone like that 10 years ago - obviously not with that subject matter- but today it would be more like…
friend #1: hey. do you know how many kids angelina jolie has?
friend #2: no, but…(3 seconds later). wiki says 6.
friend #1: yea i just looked on my phone too.
and where am i in that conversation? nowhere. people don’t need me because they have their damn cell phones. i can only be thankful that i have a few lazy friends who don’t understand the internet and still make me feel a little bit better than them. but damn that happens so rarely now.
there is no longer any satisfaction in going to college in learning something, because anything you learn in college can be accessed from a cellphone.
i have actually had the audacity to tell my father i can do his surgeries by downloading an app…the worst part, was that i actually believed it. i thought a few minutes on my app and i can master what my father learned in the last 30 years of his career…
i haven’t even gone into the scary things all over the internet. the scary stuff that people learn about that create mass murderers, serial killers and psychopaths. these people do not have to exist in the underground anymore, they can meet their mates on a chat room and proceed with their creepiness in public.
i didnt even brush into social networking…maybe next time.
ill leave you with these things to mull over and see how your world in changed because of the internet.